Today the rain is heavy, and so is my heart. I feel more desperate than ever for a touch of something more than mundane. My yearning for deeper meaning has collided head on with every ounce of my natural being, and I'm left feeling alone, so alone.
It is easy to write about "clinging to the promise" when my spirits are high, but when it comes to offering those words of hope to myself, my advice seems much to difficult to take. But even in the moment of my agony, I fight to look past my short-sighted human picture, into reality, where my God is present, alive, and active in my life.
Despair is a feeling that can send us one of two places. We either step into the agonous prison of our own minds, or run to the arms of a loving God. Think about it for a second. If you are not already feeling that way, try your best to connect with those times when you do. Whether it's from overwhelming stress, that sin that keeps creeping back in your life, or unfortunate circumstances that seem just too heavy for your human shoulders, we all know the feeling. In the moment, it never feels this way, but those are quite possibly the most pivotal times of our lives. I would describe my level of desperation today as haunting. Very immense pain and regret. But I recognize I am left with a choice. If I choose to live by my emotions, I also choose to step into that miserable place where all I am left with is my negative thoughts. But I do have another choice. We are never subject to misery alone. Don't we get it! Unlike the rest of the world, we have a hope. Today I choose to cling to a promise. A promise that brings life even when I don't feel like I deserve it.
