"Time is a relentless river", floaties necessary.

As I sit here at "All-In", a new local coffee shop in town, my heart can finally sing these words with valor,

"It is well with my soul."

It's been a struggle. We must fight for even moments of rest, lest any extended period of time.

You may ask, what sense does it make to fight for rest? It's simple. If we're not fighting for it, we are fighting against it. Perhaps you're not prone to busy your schedule. We have all been haunted the dissonant noise of a busy mind.

Let us raise our swords to a battle that reaps reward,
not these endless, vain bruisings.

This morning I read a couple a couple of excerpts from my current read, One Thousand Gifts, that resonated with me beneath the surface. From the heart of one busy American woman to another, they read;

"Whatever the pace, time will keep it and there's no outrunning it, only speeding it up and pounding the feet harder; the minutes pound faster too. Race for more and you'll snag on time and leak empty. The longer I keep running, the longer the gash, and I drain, bleed away. Hurry always empties a soul."

"Time is a relentless river. It rages on, a respecter of no one. And this, this is the only way to slow time: When I fully enter time's swift current, enter into the current moment with the weight of all my attention, I slow the torrent with the weight of me all here. I can slow the torrent by being all here. I only live the full life when I live fully in the moment. And when I'm always looking for the next glimpse of glory, I slow and enter. And time slows. Weigh down this moment in time with attention full, and the whole of time's river slows, slows, slows."

"The hurry makes us hurt. And maybe it is the hurt that drives us on? For all our frenzied running seemingly toward something, could it be that we are in fact fleeing-- desperate to escape the pain that pursues?"

"I speak it to God: I don't really want more time; I just want enough time. Time to breathe deep and time to see real and time to laugh long, time to give You glory and rest deep and sing joy and just enough time in a day not to feel hounded, pressed, driven, or wild to get it all done-- yesterday."

[Rest. Reflection. Perspective.]

On a lighter note.

If you are an enthusiast for instant gratification, don't do drugs..
Clean an oven.

"My anti-drug."

My first day unplugged.

I painted again. It was lovely.

Rest, attained. But woebegone, not for long.

I confess to my intention of blogging daily in this season of sabbath..
But that was almost a week ago.
This blog draft has been saved for 5 days.
This is my first post.

For those of you who don't know, I have chosen to spend the rest of this month, May 2012, absent from the world texting and social networking.

Why would you do a thing like that?

If you thought that, you must be one of my fellow "y-generationers".

I had three goals in mind:
1. To reflect on what's happened in my life over the past 4 years.
2. To disconnect from media, in order regain eternal perspective.
3. To spend the time that I would normally spend on facebook, texting,
twitter, or my new favorite and most time-consuming social network, instagram, and to instead, rest and sabbath.

If I were to rate how well I've done in achieving those goals thus far, the gauge would definitely be teetering left; a.k.a., not very well.

In reflection of my failure (at least I'm reflecting something) I have acquired some costly truths.

'Here goes'

It is only possible to experience true reflection, is if your mind is at rest.
Rest requires intentionality.
And it is only through rest and reflection that we can gain perspective.

It's cyclical, you see.

---

When I chose to "unplug" I didn't consciously think that it would be a fix-all, a cure of calm for the American woman, busy mind. However, when the cranial gray fuzzies were still just as loud without all the "extras", I realized there was some subconscious presumption that this media fast would be the antidote to my overload. I quickly realized there is much more to it.

Rest requires intentionality.

And rest bears
so.much.fruit.

Let me clarify what I mean by rest.

I began to value rest about a month ago when I attended a retreat with my church community, 'Resonate' (that is an important term to note-- I assure you, I will reference it often, for I dearly treasure the family they have been to me and the ways that God continues to use them to remind me of my need for Him and my need for my brothers and sisters). The name of the retreat was "Sabbath".

We talked candidly about how our culture doesn't permit rest. And sadly, the lives of westernized Christians reflect the same unachievable standard. In fact, often there is such an emphasis on doing things for the Kingdom, that we scarcely permit our brothers and sisters in Christ to rest at all. We are waiting for man to give us permission to rest, when God, our Father, our Creator, already has.

In our time together at the retreat, we also discussed what a Sabbath should look like. Although there was certainly an air of agreement that one of the most effective ways to Sabbath would be 24 hour period of rest, we made note of how legalism was never intended to be a part of this gift of stillness and tranquility (as clearly seen in Matthew 12:10). Sabbath is much more about the recognition that God is the one that is in control, and to have a mind, a heart, a spirit, that is at rest. It is when we are at rest with God in the depths of our souls that we gain eternal perspective. With eternal perspective, we see things entirely different. Every person is seen as a soul. Every encounter is exciting. Every moment is valuable. And every context is consecrated.

I think we should be able to purpose one day to give up control, and vow to calm. However, the twenty-four hour period isn't the point. It could be more, it could be less. The point is being honest with ourselves, and be willing to do whatever it takes to re-align ourselves with 'sabbata'. After all, the Creator of all things, who doesn't need rest, observed a day of rest and delight. I think it is fair to say we can too.

It is in this orbit of rest that we remember the important things in life. In other words, we are reminded of it means to be content. We remember to trust God, with whatever seed He has given us to sow. 2 Peter 1: 3 tells us

"His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness."

Gratitude is the key to joy. If we don't renew our minds (Romans 12), it is so easy to fall into a life of greed. A life that says what we have is never enough.

'Not enough'...
Isn't that what Eve said?
Her and Adam were given everything.
but one. little. tree.

--> A quick plug for my girl, Ann Voskamp. If you want a good read on gratitude you must read "One Thousand Gifts"-- lifechanger.)

Do we really think we're the ones doing the work?

I am challenged by this.

---

I wish that at this point I could tell you about all the amazing Sabbath experiences I've had since that day, but if I'm being honest. I haven't even had one.

I have filled my life with so many 'things'. I have placed so much value on a schedule. Because when I do a lot, you see, that's all the more affirmation I get from other people.

But what about my Father? How does He feel when He draws me to rest and spend time with Him, enjoying Him, and I tell him that it is more important that I claim my knowing of Him to others. Don't we see just how little sense that makes? Holy Spirit, piece through the coat of flesh over our eyes that blinds us, and give us the lense of eternity

It is also imperative to note that 'free time' is not indicative of rest. It will, most often, simply become idol time.You see, if we don't set aside time for rest with the Father, it will never happen.

---

This week I have felt the weight of how easily time slips away. It falls quicker through our fingers than the grains of sand that sift through the confines of the hour-glass.

Perfection I cannot guarantee; however, change, I can. I can no longer wait for my opportunity to Sabbath. That opportunity will never come. Instead, I will consecrate a Sabbath to my King, and protect it with boundaries that will demote my calendar from superior, to subordinate.

This was not supposed to be so long.
This is why I need to blog more regularly.

Rest. Reflection. Perspective.

Holy Spirit, you are full of mercy. That which you reveal is far too lustrous to even propose credit to myself in my  feeble attempts to conquer doubt and self-righteousness.

Old. New. Thanks. 

I drink good coffee every morning

Comes from a place that's far away

And when I'm done I feel like talking

Without you here there is less to say.

http://www.aholyexperience.com/

I think this is going to change the way I do life.

My Father has been tender, and sweet today.  He answered Mrs. Medders prayer.  I have a lump in my throat and I'm at peace.

Oh, I remember you driving to my house in the middle of the night
I'm the one who makes you laugh when you know you're 'bout to cry
And I know your favorite song and you tell me 'bout your dreams
Think I know where you belong, think I know it's with me

I think I'm going to write a book.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/belief/2012/feb/22/lent-changed-world?newsfeed=true

I'm running out of reasons to doubt you,
can't live another day here without you.

Fear-fruit.

Faceless Woman
where have you gone?
in the attempt to hide your sin and shame
you have lost your i d e n t i t y.

Faceless woman
why do you hide
yourself from us
we starve for your glance,
but only see
the remnants of
b e a u t y t h a t o n c e w a s.

Faceless woman
how did this come to be?
Fear has robbed you of your s m i l e
and quenched that
fire in your eyes.

Faceless woman
There is a deeper tragedy
than your bite
There is a genereation
loonging for your w i s d o m
but you hide from us.

F E A R L E S S woman
Won't you rediscover
who you are?
Let your beauty
come alive,
bring your features to the surface.
We need you.

"Oh - once in your life you find someone
Who will turn your world around
Bring you up when you're feelin' down

Ya - nothin' could change what you mean to me
Oh there's lots that I could say
But just hold me now
Cause our love will light the way"

Eminence Remnants

Remnants of a queen.

Tainted royalty,

a little glitter on her rags.

A dress of violet,

once form fitted to her every curve now sags from the life that's been sucked out of her.

She once knew her identity

But her crown is covered in the fingerprints of those who have passed it around like a toy.

She used to gaze at her beauty in the reflections of gold,

but they've taken that too,

leaving her with nothing to remind her of the nobility that lies within.

Remnants of a queen.

Told one too many times she was just a pauper.

You can see by the jaded glimmer in her eyes she's lost all her fight.

"If that's who you say I am, that must be who I am."

Where are you I AM?

King Yahweh, my Father.

Come lavish me in your distinction.

Come rescue me from these lies that mask my inheritance.

Lock me in the highest room of your castle

I never want to look at these city gates again.

I want to KNOW who I am, I AM.

I want to feast in your courtyard,

put back the meat on these dry bones.

I will then wear the gown of your choice,

and they will know who my Father is.

For they will see the transformation.

They will know the mark or resuscitated beauty.

The glow in my face.

The posture of my head, held high.

The warmth of my love.

All remnants of a KING.

From the wise words of Bob.

“Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.”
― Bob Marley

Land of the Living

We live in the secret garden

The layer beneath what feels to us as real

Our father leads us to a place

Beyond our cardboard houses and paper clothes

To a place where freedom protects,

And finally something more feels like something more

We walk no longer

In a desert of false security

When the land of liberty is right beneath our feet

Like a poster we peel back the mirage

To discover truth

Life as it should be

We live in a secret garden

One step away from discovery

A secret no more, a universal invitation

Come to the garden

Step into reality.

"I Have a Dream"

In a world of many colors, and vast diversity, there are few things that seem to unite us all.  But one of those providential, unifying factors is a longing within us to fulfill our purpose.  So often, the threatening pace of life wraps its roots around our deepest desires and chokes them out, leaving us to the mundane. But I am convinced somewhere deep within every person lies a longing for greater meaning. 

And not just purpose of small contribution.
But of great significance.
That longing is for something more. 
Much more.

Being a college student, I am well-acquainted with this quest for purpose.  Graduation is rounding the bend within the next year, and figuring out what I am supposed to do with my life is quickly making its way up the priority ladder.  I am not consumed by this concept of purpose in order to meet the world's standards.  I care not of those things (John 17:16).  I have discovered this obsession for a greater, more eternal reason; the same reason I believe this longing for purpose resides in all of us.   I would like to point you to a scripture that has been weighing heavy on my heart the past couple of weeks.  Proverbs 29:18; "Where there is no vision, the people will perish."

Let's zoom out a couple of times to check out the bigger picture for just a moment.  We serve a big, powerful God.

(-) <---  My zoom out button.

(Allow me to reiterate)
A BIG, POWERFUL GOD.

The reason I say that is this:  God does not need us to do His work.  He could stop world hunger, cure every case of cancer, and even solve the mystery to a female's brain at the snap a finger.  But instead, he has chosen us to carry out his purpose.  God, every day, is sitting on the edge of his seat, ready to accomplish his plan through us- He is just looking for people that are willing to be used.  He needs a body.  Do not be so arrogant as to think God needs you.  He doesn't.  But please be sensitive to know He wants you.  And He does.  Way more than you even realize.

Now, back to the purpose thing.  Again, God is looking for people that are willing to be used.  If he gives you a vision (and those of are in Christ should be SEEKING that vision),  it's because he sees you fit.  He want so badly to show His glory through you.  You're his child! BE OBEDIENT.  If you say no, God will move on to someone else who is willing.  Not that we don't serve a God of second chances, but we surely do not want to miss out on being a part of God's ultimate plan.  God lead me to this revelation through a passage in Joshua.  In Joshua 1, God is more or less showing Joshua the vision He has for his life.  Moses has passed away, and God is looking for someone else to lead His people.  (God is always looking for someone to use!)  He tells him " Be strong and courageous & [catch this!] Be careful to obey all the instructions Moses gave you.  Do not deviate from them, turning either to the right or the left.  Then you will be successful in everything you do."  Luke 16:10 also says "If you are faithful in the little things, you will be faithful in the larger ones.."

God is saying, look, I want to use you but you're going to have to be obedient to the "Nth" degree.  "Do not deviate from them, turning to the right or the left."  Basically, we must trust Him.  Do we really believe God is who He says He is?  Ruler of a greater Kingdom?  Creator and governor of the entire universe?  The one who loves you more specially, and beautifully than anyone else ever will?

Let's continue on in Joshua.  God uses him to do some amazing things!  He directs the priests to carry the Ark of the Covenant across the Jordan River, which God dried up for them to walk through, and then tells him He desires him to lead his people in the battle of Jericho.  God continues to speak to Joshua words of encouragement, words of strength, and words of love.  God says to do, and Joshua does. He is doing incredible things through Joshua. Why? Because Joshua's intention is to make God's name great, not his own.  And he is obedient to the "Nth" degree.

Daily, God is searching for someone to use.  Someone to accomplish a specific task.  God gave Joshua another task in Chapter 5:6-7.  The passage reads this "The Israelites had traveled into the wilderness for forty years until all the men who were old enough to fight in battle when they left Egypt had died.  For they had disobeyed the Lord, and the Lord vowed he would not let them enter the land he had sworn to give us--a land flowing with milk and honey.  So Joshua circumcised their sons-- those who had grown up to take their father's places-- for they had not been circumcised on the way to the Promised Land."  Do you see it?  God was looking for people he could use.  People he could trust in.  He gave the Israelites an opportunity, but they disobeyed and did not get to experience the "land of milk and honey." But God's plan was not going to be stopped just because of them.  God is sovereign, and if we refuse his calling, he will move on to someone else. How fortunate are we to even have a chance to do  his work and glorify his name.

My challenge to you, and to myself, today is to never pass up the opportunity to do God's work.  Be obedient to the "Nth" degree.  If we don't say yes, he will call someone else who he can depend on.  Start saying yes to God.  Trust Him.

Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord.  Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."

Remember, he is a loving God who doesn't need you, but wants you more than you could ever imagine.

A Special Thanks.

There is a song by Jesus Culture that says "I don't want to talk about you like you're not in the room, I want to look right at you, I wanna sing right to you."  What an excellent reminder.


I think so often we forget the reality of Jesus.  You know, like that He's REAL and He's HERE with us.  Right now.  In this moment.  Even as you're reading this.  I catch myself doing this all the time in my prayer & worship life.  In my worship, I find myself picturing this far-off Jesus, and this isolated Heaven.   And as far as my prayer life...my ignorance makes me laugh sometimes.  I say "Amen" like I'm saying good-bye!!  You know,  you wake up early in the morning so you can "spend some time with the Lord"- long enough so you can have soaked up enough of his strength to spread evenly throughout your day.   This is so silly!  God is with us, always.  We have never known one moment without Him. Spending time with God is about recognizing that you're tapping into a POWERFUL love source that will be with you ALL DAY.   When you walk away from your time of prayer, you're not walking away from the Lord Himself.   Our human nature, beautifully and ironically,  highlights God's perfection.  Our dumb thinking, so greatly emphasizes His love. While we are reserving special time for him, every moment of our lives is God spending intentional time with us.  We do not walk away from our time with God and return to our mundane lives.   He stays with us.  ALWAYS.  

The Beginning.

You know those things in life that you imagine one day you're just going to wake up and be better at?  Although sometimes things very unrealistic (in my case geometry or my comfort level with feet), most of the time these are things very close within our reach.  Like...Blogging.

It seems like every fall break, spring break, summer break, memorial break, weekend break, back break, kit-kat-give-me-a-break, and every other type of break since my freshmen year I have been swearing to myself I was going to become a consistent blogger.  You know, those people who just spit out blogs on the regular, awing the world with that clever words and insightful thoughts.  However, that's pretty much never happened for me.  And although this could just be another failed attempt to join with my fellow word artists in the beautiful world of blogging,  I am feeling good about this one.  With this, I cross the line of consistency, excited to share with the world my heart, and the incredible work of my Heavenly Father.

The Rainy Days.

Today the rain is heavy, and so is my heart.  I feel more desperate than ever for a touch of something more than mundane.  My yearning for deeper meaning has collided head on with every ounce of my natural being, and I'm left feeling alone, so alone. 

It is easy to write about "clinging to the promise" when my spirits are high, but when it comes to offering those words of hope to myself, my advice seems much to difficult to take.  But even in the moment of my agony, I fight to look past my short-sighted human picture, into reality, where my God is present, alive, and active in my life. 

Despair is a feeling that can send us one of two places.  We either step into the agonous prison of our own minds, or run to the arms of a loving God.  Think about it for a second.  If you are not already feeling that way, try your best to connect with those times when you do.  Whether it's from overwhelming stress, that sin that keeps creeping back in your life, or unfortunate circumstances that seem just too heavy for your human shoulders, we all know the feeling.  In the moment, it never feels this way, but those are quite possibly the most pivotal times of our lives.  I would describe my level of desperation today as haunting.  Very immense pain and regret.  But I recognize I am left with a choice.  If I choose to live by my emotions, I also choose to step into that miserable place where all I am left with is my negative thoughts.  But I do have another choice.  We are never subject to misery alone.  Don't we get it! Unlike the rest of the world, we have a hope.  Today I choose to cling to a promise.  A promise that brings life even when I don't feel like I deserve it.